The Divorce

Irreconcilable differences.

That’s the official term for this, right?

When we’ve realized we’re staying together

Just to stay together,

Staying together because it seems impossible

To go our separate ways,

Even though we don’t know one another anymore

And probably wouldn’t like one another very much if we did.

You’re not the same person you were

When we started this.

I can’t say that I am, either.

And I like this new me a hell of a lot better…

…I expect that you feel the same

But I don’t feel the same way about the new you,

Nor do you about me.

And we’d thought sheer stubbornness alone,

One of the few things we still have in common,

Could see us through this…

…But it’s just not working.

They say to leave well enough alone,

But what if well enough isn’t enough for me?

Someone has to say enough is enough.

Because yes, you make me happy,

But not nearly as often as you leave me frustrated,

Or as you enrage me…

Just about as much as you send me spiraling into depression.

So is an ocassional high worth all the lows?

…I didn’t think so.

So I already sent you the papers,

Said I wasn’t really sure…

…But included a pen.

And as I waited for you to do something

To either fight about it

(Like we do about everything else)

Or to join me in giving up all hope

And sign,

I thought of how empty it’s going to be,

This house that’s just brimming over with all our memories

Because regardless of what’s going on now,

You ARE my history.

Sometimes…

A lot of the time…

It seems like I just can’t live with you anymore,

But if the tears I just can’t stop crying mean anything,

It’s that all the time

I can’t live without you.

Is it too late to take it back?

To rip the papers up and

Go to counseling

Or just spend more time…

Anything to get to know one another again?

Because there’s something here I can’t let go of,

Something here that just won’t quit,

Even if I try to.

Love, I don’t think I want a divorce.

The Garden of Life

After I put in my eight long hours today

Slumped against the sign at the bus stop

And trudged home on aching feet

A familiar sight greeted me:

My mother weeding her garden

Wearing her wide-brimmed hat

And gardening gloves

On her hands and knees

Rooting for the roots of those which crowd,

Clutter, and slowly but surely destroy her

Little patch of green

I thought about my day, my week, the last few months

And, watching my mother, I decided then and there

That I wanted to do the same thing,

Just on a bigger scale

She weeds her garden

I want to weed my life.

The bad bits from the past, with such deep roots

I want to hunt them down

One by one

Examine them, find their weak spots

(Rather than the other way around)

And dig them out, once and for all

I want to pull with a ferocity

That rids me of all the anger I hoard inside

I refuse to further nourish the sad parts

Watering them with my tears

And I’ll no longer shy away from the scary ones

Now they’ll have me to fear

But maybe this won’t be as easy as it seems

For while it’s easy enough to distinguish

Dandelion from daffodil,

Simple daisies aren’t really flowers,

So tell me…are you?

I need to put you into a category

Do you stay or do you go?

Because I could never forget you,

But forget-me-nots…they’re weeds too.

This time I can’t wait for you

To decide, to make up your mind

I just don’t have that kind of time

This time, the choice is mine

To dig up even the deepest roots and force you out

Or to declare you to be truly unforgettable,

A morning glory open and wonderful sometimes,

And closed the next…

A truly miraculous flower?

Is all the joy worth all the pain?

Could anything ever fill the hole you’d leave?

I need to know:

Are you a flower or a weed?