Depression

People read what I write
And say I’m depressed
I’m “sad;” that’s my best friend’s insight
She thinks I need help; that’s something she’s confessed

At first I tried to deny it
Isn’t it better to let my feelings out
But now I’ve read the words inscribed upon my soul’s pit
And my sanity I’ve begun to doubt

I don’t like the reflection I see in the mirror
If it means I can fit in my jeans I’ll eat one meal a day
I feel that the end of my rope is drawing nearer
Sometimes I just want to run away

I drown my pillow with my tears
And squeeze my teddy bear
But at night I’m not troubled by my fears
I’m surrounded by darkness; that’s how I know even God doesn’t care

Sometimes I wish I could just vanish
Disappear to somewhere else in Time and Space
To get out of here is my one true wish
And it’s not like anyone would miss my face

My dad and my one true friend
Are both miles and miles away
And no matter if I try to fix myself until the world comes to an end
I’ll never do anything but rub my wrong the wrong way

For some reason, I’m just not good enough
Unworthy of my mother’s love
That has made my skin pretty tough
I wish I was loved, wanted, or cherished, but I’m D: none of the above

And so I sit here and I weep
Listening to musicians with whom I can identify
Maybe I’ll go back to the wonderful void of sleep
There everything is so empty that for a while, I don't want to curl up and die

Someday someone will use the pages of my life as tissues
My heart has already been people’s cuisine
My friends are right – I do have issues
And I’m not talking about some magazine

I have a problem
Isn’t admitting that the first step to recovery
Underneath this sometimes rough exterior lies a precious gem
I can uncover it, if you’ll help me.