Wanting You
I’m done being torn,
done “deciding”,
done daydreaming and fantasizing,
romanticizing and idolizing.
I won’t claim to be sick of love songs,
but I’m sick of chick flicks and romance movies.
I’m sick of longing for a Noah,
a Jack or even a Jerry.
Al and Eric can hit the road, too.
This castle is home to both of us,
but I don’t need a Prince Charming;
I’m a big girl—I’ll rescue myself.
I just can’t be all by myself anymore,
and I’m sick of lovely ideas and beautiful lies.
I want something real
with someone real.
I
want
you.
This sounds so trite and cliché,
but then again, so does the entire concept of falling in love,
so I guess I’ll say it:
There’s just something about you.
I can’t really describe what it is,
but there are more obvious choices that have been flat-out
denied.
Something draws me to you.
There’s a reason I can’t say your name without smiling,
why I’m quite literally always thinking about you.
There’s a reason I’m already missing you more that I was missing you already,
and I’m not missing him at all.
I’m not sure what it is,
but there’s a reason I choose you.
You’re the one that I want.
But I’m doing more than that,
because I’ve wanted you for quite some time now.
I’ve coveted and cherished…
But I’m done admiring from afar;
that's just not enough anymore:
I can’t just sit around
wishing, waiting, wanting
you to want me.
No more acting coy and flirtatious
or switching it up and playing hard-to-get.
Darling, I want you…
and I’m becoming the type of girl who,
once she decides what it is,
always gets what she wants.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Americans, the Circus-Folk
Americans, the Circus-Folk
I can’t even begin to recall
The sheer number of times
My darling mother,
Whilst quieting us down,
Would mutter, “It’s a circus in here.”
Only now, as my mind matures,
Have I begun to realize
Just how right she truly was.
This whole damn country’s a circus.
A grotesque, large-scale scene
Of the amazing, absurd, and obscure
A show put on to rouse the interest and the…
…Laughter?
Of our audience,
The world at large.
We begin with the American president,
Our ringleader, if you will
The commander-in-chief
He runs our show…
Or at least works very hard
To convince the audience of this.
And it works
Everyone thinks the leader, in fact, leads
But, truthfully, he’s just a face for the name
A Barnum or Bailey to run our game
Second in command is the lion tamer,
Who, to the audience, reigns most powerful of all,
Our economy personified.
Partnering with the President to form the Ringling Brothers,
And what a ring, indeed.
He cracks his whip and brandishes his chair,
Subduing the lion with an elaborate conglomeration
Of cunning, manipulation, and fear
—In a word, power.—
The lion begs for his mercy,
Clawing his own dignity to shreds.
And who is this lion? one might ask
He’s obviously the lower class
The poor, the ghetto, the trailer park, the homeless,
The underclass, the bottom of the barrel
That is ever-growing, encroaching upon the middle
(Or is the middle simply crashing from grace?)
Being the largest, this lower lion looms
Looking powerful enough to rise against this oppression
And fight, revolt, maul its tamer
But upon closer inspection we see
His mane is scraggly and his fur falling out in patches
Claws clipped and teeth barely even bared
He has surrendered to the economy, The Man.
The middle class falls and crashes
A necessary risk, when your task is a tight-rope walker
Or flipping, twirling, soaring acrobat
With a bar or a (not-so-) protective parasol as their only weapons,
The middle class teeter-totters on the tight-rope called survival
Throwing themselves into the air to grasp frantically at a hoop or two
Trying fruitlessly to raise themselves
Succeeding only in trapping themselves in an endless chase
Or plummeting down to a socioeconomic death,
Becoming another hair in the lion’s unkempt mane.
Occasionally, an acrobat will break the cycle,
Rupture the mold,
Strap on a helmet for protection, the entrepreneur
Stuffs himself down the barrel of an impossibly large gun
And has someone light his ass on fire,
Giving a whole new definition to the term ‘cannonball’,
And using some explosive new idea to propel himself
Forward, upward, outward
Into the stilt-walkers’ existential sphere.
Making precarious balance look so easy,
The stilt-walkers, the upper class,
Breathe a different quality of air,
Inhabit a whole different stratosphere,
Feigning obliviousness and waxing philosophical
As though they don’t see what’s going on beneath them,
Marching around as if they own the place
(Which, in fact, they most likely do)
Footless, they still retain the power
To crush the little guy,
Both animal and master alike.
The stilt-men control the tamer,
For they own the clowns.
Seemingly innocent and happy-go-lucky,
As though they can eradicate your every issue
With a wink and a credit card,
Banks catch your attention with a beautiful flower,
Convince you with a painted face,
Make you laugh and jump for joy,
Then squirt water in your eye.
Water, to wet the ropes
So the acrobats keep on falling.
And last, but certainly not to be neglected,
The elephant arrives, commanding our attention.
His stature and sound steal the show.
Sporting a beautiful woman,
Unfailingly the ringmaster’s assistant,
Astride his broad back, the media never fails to show the world
Whatever will elicit the most from the crowd.
With ears like wings, he hears all,
And she hesitates not to report it to the world.
And then the show is over.
“That’s all, folks.”
“Thank you, come again.”
The elephant goes to munch his hay,
The lion returns docilely to his cage,
The acrobats secretly return to solid ground.
The circus is an ethereal spectacle,
Transitory and immune to any and all forms of stasis.
Thus, the question I pose is this, my darling mother:
Since it contains the leaders, the means, and every class,
Who’s left to hang around when the circus picks up
And leaves town?
I can’t even begin to recall
The sheer number of times
My darling mother,
Whilst quieting us down,
Would mutter, “It’s a circus in here.”
Only now, as my mind matures,
Have I begun to realize
Just how right she truly was.
This whole damn country’s a circus.
A grotesque, large-scale scene
Of the amazing, absurd, and obscure
A show put on to rouse the interest and the…
…Laughter?
Of our audience,
The world at large.
We begin with the American president,
Our ringleader, if you will
The commander-in-chief
He runs our show…
Or at least works very hard
To convince the audience of this.
And it works
Everyone thinks the leader, in fact, leads
But, truthfully, he’s just a face for the name
A Barnum or Bailey to run our game
Second in command is the lion tamer,
Who, to the audience, reigns most powerful of all,
Our economy personified.
Partnering with the President to form the Ringling Brothers,
And what a ring, indeed.
He cracks his whip and brandishes his chair,
Subduing the lion with an elaborate conglomeration
Of cunning, manipulation, and fear
—In a word, power.—
The lion begs for his mercy,
Clawing his own dignity to shreds.
And who is this lion? one might ask
He’s obviously the lower class
The poor, the ghetto, the trailer park, the homeless,
The underclass, the bottom of the barrel
That is ever-growing, encroaching upon the middle
(Or is the middle simply crashing from grace?)
Being the largest, this lower lion looms
Looking powerful enough to rise against this oppression
And fight, revolt, maul its tamer
But upon closer inspection we see
His mane is scraggly and his fur falling out in patches
Claws clipped and teeth barely even bared
He has surrendered to the economy, The Man.
The middle class falls and crashes
A necessary risk, when your task is a tight-rope walker
Or flipping, twirling, soaring acrobat
With a bar or a (not-so-) protective parasol as their only weapons,
The middle class teeter-totters on the tight-rope called survival
Throwing themselves into the air to grasp frantically at a hoop or two
Trying fruitlessly to raise themselves
Succeeding only in trapping themselves in an endless chase
Or plummeting down to a socioeconomic death,
Becoming another hair in the lion’s unkempt mane.
Occasionally, an acrobat will break the cycle,
Rupture the mold,
Strap on a helmet for protection, the entrepreneur
Stuffs himself down the barrel of an impossibly large gun
And has someone light his ass on fire,
Giving a whole new definition to the term ‘cannonball’,
And using some explosive new idea to propel himself
Forward, upward, outward
Into the stilt-walkers’ existential sphere.
Making precarious balance look so easy,
The stilt-walkers, the upper class,
Breathe a different quality of air,
Inhabit a whole different stratosphere,
Feigning obliviousness and waxing philosophical
As though they don’t see what’s going on beneath them,
Marching around as if they own the place
(Which, in fact, they most likely do)
Footless, they still retain the power
To crush the little guy,
Both animal and master alike.
The stilt-men control the tamer,
For they own the clowns.
Seemingly innocent and happy-go-lucky,
As though they can eradicate your every issue
With a wink and a credit card,
Banks catch your attention with a beautiful flower,
Convince you with a painted face,
Make you laugh and jump for joy,
Then squirt water in your eye.
Water, to wet the ropes
So the acrobats keep on falling.
And last, but certainly not to be neglected,
The elephant arrives, commanding our attention.
His stature and sound steal the show.
Sporting a beautiful woman,
Unfailingly the ringmaster’s assistant,
Astride his broad back, the media never fails to show the world
Whatever will elicit the most from the crowd.
With ears like wings, he hears all,
And she hesitates not to report it to the world.
And then the show is over.
“That’s all, folks.”
“Thank you, come again.”
The elephant goes to munch his hay,
The lion returns docilely to his cage,
The acrobats secretly return to solid ground.
The circus is an ethereal spectacle,
Transitory and immune to any and all forms of stasis.
Thus, the question I pose is this, my darling mother:
Since it contains the leaders, the means, and every class,
Who’s left to hang around when the circus picks up
And leaves town?
Saturday, November 29, 2008
The Secrets of a Girl I Know
The Secrets of a Girl I Know
There’s a girl I know
Who has mastered the game
Of hiding
From the world
From herself
She buries all her pain
I’m working to uncover it, that pain
It’s no easy task, I know
But I’m sick of trying to convince her to do it herself
She’s made her own rules to the game
To learn them I must find a way into her world
But her door is hiding
And I try to convince her to stop hiding
Telling her that others are willing to share her pain
If only she would leave her secret little world
Come out and play – let everyone know
That she’s changing the rules to the game
She done fighting all by herself
That’s all she’s ever been – all by herself
Under a million masks, hiding
Pretending she doesn’t care about society’s game
In secret, bleeding out all that pain
But looking at her you’d never know
That she almost gave up on the world
And I’m trying to bring her back to the world
Cuz she can’t stand up by herself
Because I look in her eyes and I know
That she hates all this hiding
And she wants to deal with the pain
That she’s sick and tired of playing this game
And together, we’ll escape this game
I found the key to her world
And am searching for the door to her pain
She’s looking for it, herself
Bt she doesn’t know how to stop hiding
I can help her with that, I know
I know that life is more than a game
And we’ll achieve nothing by hiding from the world
Since she no longer all by herself, we can save her from the pain.
There’s a girl I know
Who has mastered the game
Of hiding
From the world
From herself
She buries all her pain
I’m working to uncover it, that pain
It’s no easy task, I know
But I’m sick of trying to convince her to do it herself
She’s made her own rules to the game
To learn them I must find a way into her world
But her door is hiding
And I try to convince her to stop hiding
Telling her that others are willing to share her pain
If only she would leave her secret little world
Come out and play – let everyone know
That she’s changing the rules to the game
She done fighting all by herself
That’s all she’s ever been – all by herself
Under a million masks, hiding
Pretending she doesn’t care about society’s game
In secret, bleeding out all that pain
But looking at her you’d never know
That she almost gave up on the world
And I’m trying to bring her back to the world
Cuz she can’t stand up by herself
Because I look in her eyes and I know
That she hates all this hiding
And she wants to deal with the pain
That she’s sick and tired of playing this game
And together, we’ll escape this game
I found the key to her world
And am searching for the door to her pain
She’s looking for it, herself
Bt she doesn’t know how to stop hiding
I can help her with that, I know
I know that life is more than a game
And we’ll achieve nothing by hiding from the world
Since she no longer all by herself, we can save her from the pain.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Giving Thanks
Giving Thanks
It being Thanksgiving and all,
I’ve been trying to list
All the things I’m thankful for,
And it’s just making me realize
How much I [could] love you.
I’m thankful for hard work, determination,
And a hell of a lot of luck,
Because, without those, I wouldn’t be here.
And I’m thankful for this place
For so many reasons,
Not the least of which
Because it brought us together.
I’m thankful for proximity
Of housing and schedules.
I’m thankful for Facebook (-stalking),
Chatting, texting, and AIM.
I’m thankful for dining halls and common rooms,
Shared hallways and mutual pathways,
Things we have in common and things that are totally new.
I’m thankful for the time we spend together
(However depressingly brief it may be).
I’m thankful for everything you say
(Even if you don’t know how I replay it through my head).
I’m thankful for your sense of humor,
For your laugh and your beautiful smile.
I’m thankful for your love of the lyrical,
And I’m thankful for your impeccable style.
I’m thankful for your personality,
And I’m thankful that you care.
I’m thankful for the late night conversations that we share.
I’m thankful for your body,
For every occasional brush of the knee,
And for every tender second your arms are around me.
I’m thankful for what you do to me:
For the way my face lights up when I see you,
And for how I can’t say your name without a smile.
I’m thankful for the wishing times,
And for every time my dreams realize my fantasies.
What I’m trying to say is that I’m thankful for you,
Thankful that I have you in my life.
I’m thankful for even the chance of you and me
Becoming an ever-desired “we”.
I’m thankful that I [could] love you.
It being Thanksgiving and all,
I’ve been trying to list
All the things I’m thankful for,
And it’s just making me realize
How much I [could] love you.
I’m thankful for hard work, determination,
And a hell of a lot of luck,
Because, without those, I wouldn’t be here.
And I’m thankful for this place
For so many reasons,
Not the least of which
Because it brought us together.
I’m thankful for proximity
Of housing and schedules.
I’m thankful for Facebook (-stalking),
Chatting, texting, and AIM.
I’m thankful for dining halls and common rooms,
Shared hallways and mutual pathways,
Things we have in common and things that are totally new.
I’m thankful for the time we spend together
(However depressingly brief it may be).
I’m thankful for everything you say
(Even if you don’t know how I replay it through my head).
I’m thankful for your sense of humor,
For your laugh and your beautiful smile.
I’m thankful for your love of the lyrical,
And I’m thankful for your impeccable style.
I’m thankful for your personality,
And I’m thankful that you care.
I’m thankful for the late night conversations that we share.
I’m thankful for your body,
For every occasional brush of the knee,
And for every tender second your arms are around me.
I’m thankful for what you do to me:
For the way my face lights up when I see you,
And for how I can’t say your name without a smile.
I’m thankful for the wishing times,
And for every time my dreams realize my fantasies.
What I’m trying to say is that I’m thankful for you,
Thankful that I have you in my life.
I’m thankful for even the chance of you and me
Becoming an ever-desired “we”.
I’m thankful that I [could] love you.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Your Sweatshirt
Your Sweatshirt
The other day I “borrowed” your sweatshirt
You eventually stole it back again
I said I wanted it
Because it was so warm
And it smelled so good
Like you
I said I wanted it
So I stole it again
And I kept it
And I wore it
All the time
And it made me feel warm
When I was cold
But more than that
It made me feel protected
It was my own little piece of you
When I wore it
I felt like
You
Were holding me close
I felt loved
But more than that
Let’s go deeper
Last night
I was in a bad place
And I was crying
And I so badly wanted
To come crawling to you
I so badly desired
Someone to hold the pieces of me together
I so badly craved
A shoulder to cry on
So I grabbed your sweatshirt
And wrapped it up into a pillow
My own personal shoulder
And I
Leaned into it
Sobbed into it
It was my own little piece of you
There when I needed it
When I needed you
Making me feel loved
And protected
And utterly not alone
Because it was my own little piece of you
The piece I’ll have forever
Eternally
When I need it
When I need you
I’ll forever have
My own little piece of your smile
Of your laugh
Of your beautiful, beautiful soul
Now and into eternity
I’ll always have
Your
—Now my—
Pillow to sleep on
Shoulder to cry on
Warmth when it’s cold outside
Or on the inside
There when it’s needed
Big, black, warm, memory-keeping, comfort-giving Carhartt sweatshirt
The other day I “borrowed” your sweatshirt
You eventually stole it back again
I said I wanted it
Because it was so warm
And it smelled so good
Like you
I said I wanted it
So I stole it again
And I kept it
And I wore it
All the time
And it made me feel warm
When I was cold
But more than that
It made me feel protected
It was my own little piece of you
When I wore it
I felt like
You
Were holding me close
I felt loved
But more than that
Let’s go deeper
Last night
I was in a bad place
And I was crying
And I so badly wanted
To come crawling to you
I so badly desired
Someone to hold the pieces of me together
I so badly craved
A shoulder to cry on
So I grabbed your sweatshirt
And wrapped it up into a pillow
My own personal shoulder
And I
Leaned into it
Sobbed into it
It was my own little piece of you
There when I needed it
When I needed you
Making me feel loved
And protected
And utterly not alone
Because it was my own little piece of you
The piece I’ll have forever
Eternally
When I need it
When I need you
I’ll forever have
My own little piece of your smile
Of your laugh
Of your beautiful, beautiful soul
Now and into eternity
I’ll always have
Your
—Now my—
Pillow to sleep on
Shoulder to cry on
Warmth when it’s cold outside
Or on the inside
There when it’s needed
Big, black, warm, memory-keeping, comfort-giving Carhartt sweatshirt
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Deeper
Deeper
Your heart doesn’t belong
To me
Nor do you hold
My heart’s key
It took me too long
To realize
That which was right
Before my eyes
Your heart’s not mine
But to me your soul is true
Friendship runs deeper than love
And there is no deeper than you
Your heart doesn’t belong
To me
Nor do you hold
My heart’s key
It took me too long
To realize
That which was right
Before my eyes
Your heart’s not mine
But to me your soul is true
Friendship runs deeper than love
And there is no deeper than you
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Your Best Friend
Your best friend is your closest ally
They know you inside and out
Even though they sometimes make you cry
Or make you want to scream and shout
Your best friend is your true-blue buddy
Through thick and thin they are
Always there for you when you’re feeling cruddy
Sometimes too close, but never too far
Your best friend is a gift you gave yourself
And they’ll never break or go out of style
Comforting books that are always on the shelf
Fully of silly phrases and kind words to help you through any trial
Your best friend is supposed to help you endure
Not causing, rather resolving your conflicts
So I never thought you’d be my saboteur
Who knew it would be me your poison afflicts
How was I supposed to know you’d hurt me
After you got close enough to scratch your name upon my soul
I couldn’t imagine that from my life you’d flee
Leaving me to fill the gaping hole
I should have known you were no different that the rest
You’d knock me down after carefully building me up
Into the darkness pieces of my spirit have been pressed
And tears splatter like raindrops into my teacup
They know you inside and out
Even though they sometimes make you cry
Or make you want to scream and shout
Your best friend is your true-blue buddy
Through thick and thin they are
Always there for you when you’re feeling cruddy
Sometimes too close, but never too far
Your best friend is a gift you gave yourself
And they’ll never break or go out of style
Comforting books that are always on the shelf
Fully of silly phrases and kind words to help you through any trial
Your best friend is supposed to help you endure
Not causing, rather resolving your conflicts
So I never thought you’d be my saboteur
Who knew it would be me your poison afflicts
How was I supposed to know you’d hurt me
After you got close enough to scratch your name upon my soul
I couldn’t imagine that from my life you’d flee
Leaving me to fill the gaping hole
I should have known you were no different that the rest
You’d knock me down after carefully building me up
Into the darkness pieces of my spirit have been pressed
And tears splatter like raindrops into my teacup
You and Me
I am strong,
Resolute,
Concrete,
A pillar of strength
And love.
I am the spirit,
The soul,
The supreme essence
Of everyone
My experiences
Have molded me into.
And I love you.
He compliments me;
You complete me.
When I am with you,
The rainbow fades,
The diamond is scratched,
The mirrors all shatter,
And I am brought into the world,
Naked.
You can accept me
I can stand before you
Naked
And you accept me
And clothe me
In your warm embrace.
Loving someone
Means fully accepting
That person’s
Humanness.
I think that there is
No better way to describe
What you do for me.
You are
One of the chosen few
That gets to know
Me.
You are
The only one
Who always gets
Me.
I’ve let you
Inside my castle
If you are willing,
You can stay here
Forever.
Resolute,
Concrete,
A pillar of strength
And love.
I am the spirit,
The soul,
The supreme essence
Of everyone
My experiences
Have molded me into.
And I love you.
He compliments me;
You complete me.
When I am with you,
The rainbow fades,
The diamond is scratched,
The mirrors all shatter,
And I am brought into the world,
Naked.
You can accept me
I can stand before you
Naked
And you accept me
And clothe me
In your warm embrace.
Loving someone
Means fully accepting
That person’s
Humanness.
I think that there is
No better way to describe
What you do for me.
You are
One of the chosen few
That gets to know
Me.
You are
The only one
Who always gets
Me.
I’ve let you
Inside my castle
If you are willing,
You can stay here
Forever.
What Do I Know?
You lift my spirits and you make me cry
All’s not fair in love and war
The clouds of my fears are blocking your light
This is one test I don’t have all the answers for
I’m searching for the answers
Do I even know how I feel?
I love him, but am I in love –
How can I know if what we have is real?
I know that I am conscious only of you
And that no one but you truly knows me
That you gave me the strength to be myself
But is this what love could be?
I know that you are everything to me
Except the one thing I really need
What scares me is, what if they’re right?
What if love at fifteen just can’t succeed
I’m trying to say that I’m feigning you
I’m afraid to share how I feel inside
But I want to know what we could be
And if my true feelings would be replied.
All’s not fair in love and war
The clouds of my fears are blocking your light
This is one test I don’t have all the answers for
I’m searching for the answers
Do I even know how I feel?
I love him, but am I in love –
How can I know if what we have is real?
I know that I am conscious only of you
And that no one but you truly knows me
That you gave me the strength to be myself
But is this what love could be?
I know that you are everything to me
Except the one thing I really need
What scares me is, what if they’re right?
What if love at fifteen just can’t succeed
I’m trying to say that I’m feigning you
I’m afraid to share how I feel inside
But I want to know what we could be
And if my true feelings would be replied.
What Did I Do to Deserve All This?
I overslept
I missed the bus
I was late to school
I failed a test
I forgot my history report
I have too much homework
My mom’s making me baby-sit
My library books are overdue
I’m fighting with my best friend
My boyfriend dumped me
My locker jammed
I missed the bus again
I have to walk home
It starts to rain
“I hate you!” I scream at the world
“What did I do to deserve all this!”
I’m walking
Through the rain
I’m scowling
Listening to Eminem on my Ipod
Digging through my Baby Phat purse
To find my ringing cell phone
And then I see a man
Dressed in tattered clothes
Sitting on the sidewalk
Getting very wet
Looking very cold and hungry
I forget about by phone
And give him an apple from my lunchbox
And a few dollars from my purse
A small twist of fate and I could be that man
“Thank you,” I whisper to the world
“What did I do to deserve all this?”
I missed the bus
I was late to school
I failed a test
I forgot my history report
I have too much homework
My mom’s making me baby-sit
My library books are overdue
I’m fighting with my best friend
My boyfriend dumped me
My locker jammed
I missed the bus again
I have to walk home
It starts to rain
“I hate you!” I scream at the world
“What did I do to deserve all this!”
I’m walking
Through the rain
I’m scowling
Listening to Eminem on my Ipod
Digging through my Baby Phat purse
To find my ringing cell phone
And then I see a man
Dressed in tattered clothes
Sitting on the sidewalk
Getting very wet
Looking very cold and hungry
I forget about by phone
And give him an apple from my lunchbox
And a few dollars from my purse
A small twist of fate and I could be that man
“Thank you,” I whisper to the world
“What did I do to deserve all this?”
There for Me
In case I were to stumble over an unseen rock
And sprawlingly fall to the ground
As I struggle to scramble up steep hills
Merrily slide down them
And occasionally burn my feet on unexpected hot sand,
Even though it means plunging headfirst
Into darknesses and evils previously unknown
After, long after everyone else
Has disbanded, dispersed, and disappeared
You’ve held my hand and become a part of me
And I know you’ll never let go.
Once inches from the edge
Although the future sometimes looks too bleak to continue on
While there are times when I can’t see through a present storm
To find a rainbow hidden in the future
Because of you and you only
The darkness cannot hungrily gobble me up
And today I am fairly happy,
Fairly healthy
But truly blessed to have a best friend like you.
And sprawlingly fall to the ground
As I struggle to scramble up steep hills
Merrily slide down them
And occasionally burn my feet on unexpected hot sand,
Even though it means plunging headfirst
Into darknesses and evils previously unknown
After, long after everyone else
Has disbanded, dispersed, and disappeared
You’ve held my hand and become a part of me
And I know you’ll never let go.
Once inches from the edge
Although the future sometimes looks too bleak to continue on
While there are times when I can’t see through a present storm
To find a rainbow hidden in the future
Because of you and you only
The darkness cannot hungrily gobble me up
And today I am fairly happy,
Fairly healthy
But truly blessed to have a best friend like you.
The Things You Said
Sometimes I feel so confused
When I think about you
When the things you said
Play themselves in my head
Over and over again
You said that you only want to make me happy
But I’m happy right now
I’m happy with the way things are
It could get so ugly if we change things
I’d be happy if we could freeze time
Can you do that for me?
Because you said you would do anything
Anything for me
And that you hate to see me sad
Hate to see tears flowing from my eyes
So then why do you make me love you so much
That it hurts inside
And get me into situations
Where the only thing I know how to do is cry
And then you ask me what is wrong
So not to hurt you I have to lie
And lies on top of lies
Will only hurt us
As friends...as more
And hurting us
Will only make me cry.
When I think about you
When the things you said
Play themselves in my head
Over and over again
You said that you only want to make me happy
But I’m happy right now
I’m happy with the way things are
It could get so ugly if we change things
I’d be happy if we could freeze time
Can you do that for me?
Because you said you would do anything
Anything for me
And that you hate to see me sad
Hate to see tears flowing from my eyes
So then why do you make me love you so much
That it hurts inside
And get me into situations
Where the only thing I know how to do is cry
And then you ask me what is wrong
So not to hurt you I have to lie
And lies on top of lies
Will only hurt us
As friends...as more
And hurting us
Will only make me cry.
The Thin Line (between Love and Hate)
Fuck you.
I hate you.
I fucking hate you.
Why do you do this to me?
You’re fucking killing me.
You’re eating me up inside.
I love you.
Why do I love you?
Why can’t I keep you out
Like everyone else?
I hate loving you.
But I could love
no one else but you.
If I didn’t love you,
I don’t know
what I’d do
or who I’d be.
I’d be a mirror,
an ever-changing mask
covering up...
absolutely nothing.
I didn’t...
I couldn’t
allow myself
to accept myself
into my life
until you.
If I didn’t have you,
I would never have stopped
Falling.
No matter how old
I live to be,
love
could never have saved me
if I didn’t have you.
I didn’t know love
until I knew you.
I thought that I did,
but,
I had just
recently met love.
I hadn’t yet recognized
you
for who,
and what,
you were.
Love.
I hate you.
I fucking hate you.
Why do you do this to me?
You’re fucking killing me.
You’re eating me up inside.
I love you.
Why do I love you?
Why can’t I keep you out
Like everyone else?
I hate loving you.
But I could love
no one else but you.
If I didn’t love you,
I don’t know
what I’d do
or who I’d be.
I’d be a mirror,
an ever-changing mask
covering up...
absolutely nothing.
I didn’t...
I couldn’t
allow myself
to accept myself
into my life
until you.
If I didn’t have you,
I would never have stopped
Falling.
No matter how old
I live to be,
love
could never have saved me
if I didn’t have you.
I didn’t know love
until I knew you.
I thought that I did,
but,
I had just
recently met love.
I hadn’t yet recognized
you
for who,
and what,
you were.
Love.
The Many Ways in Which I Love You
You love me like a sister
But I want to be your wife
You are the food I eat
The air I breathe
The very heart that pumps
Life into my body
I wouldn’t – I couldn’t
Get up in the morning
If it wasn’t for you
And if I knew that you
Weren’t going to be waking up soon
No matter how near
Or how far
I would die right there in my bed
My death
Would not be merely
Of a broken heart
But of a shattered soul
As well
I live for you
And I would willingly
Give my life
For you
My dearest
If you laid
In a bed of roses
You might smell
How I love you
If you could dine
With the world’s finest chefs
You might taste
How I love you
If you ever met
Your idol
Then in your own scream
You might hear
How I love you
If you ever
Shook hands with an elf
You might feel
How I love you
If you ever
Rode a dragon
From that height
You might see
How I love you
But if you took
The offering
Of my heart
And gave me yours
In return
If you were to
Make me yours
Even if only
For one night
Only upon that one night
Could you ever
Truly know
The many ways
In which
I love you.
But I want to be your wife
You are the food I eat
The air I breathe
The very heart that pumps
Life into my body
I wouldn’t – I couldn’t
Get up in the morning
If it wasn’t for you
And if I knew that you
Weren’t going to be waking up soon
No matter how near
Or how far
I would die right there in my bed
My death
Would not be merely
Of a broken heart
But of a shattered soul
As well
I live for you
And I would willingly
Give my life
For you
My dearest
If you laid
In a bed of roses
You might smell
How I love you
If you could dine
With the world’s finest chefs
You might taste
How I love you
If you ever met
Your idol
Then in your own scream
You might hear
How I love you
If you ever
Shook hands with an elf
You might feel
How I love you
If you ever
Rode a dragon
From that height
You might see
How I love you
But if you took
The offering
Of my heart
And gave me yours
In return
If you were to
Make me yours
Even if only
For one night
Only upon that one night
Could you ever
Truly know
The many ways
In which
I love you.
The Human Race
Dripping in diamonds, Pamela passes Andy huddled under a torn coat
As she travels to a party at some fancy penthouse
He notices everything about her, while she doesn’t even know he’s there
To her, he doesn’t deserve to breathe
People are so hypocritical!
Our founding fathers said we were all created equal, and so she is no better than he
But if you ask a child today, “Who is the better person?”, we all know what he would say
He would not carry my message; wouldn’t say that the problem is that question
That there are no better people – the man and the woman came into this world the same way
He wouldn’t wonder why they’re so different now.
Maybe Andy made a wrong choice or two somewhere in life
But no one’s perfect; we all make mistakes
Why does he have to suffer through life on a street corner
While, in the penthouse, Pamela rises above everyone else?
I ask, “If men, women, and children were created equal, why do we call it the human RACE?”
We all start at the same place, but are people like Pamela the first to finish
While all those like Andy lag behind, never to catch up?
Humor me, please – let us pretend
That Pamela and Andy were to join hands as they complete the course
It is my belief that the utter silence resonating in every corner of the globe
Would say more about this event than I ever can
As she travels to a party at some fancy penthouse
He notices everything about her, while she doesn’t even know he’s there
To her, he doesn’t deserve to breathe
People are so hypocritical!
Our founding fathers said we were all created equal, and so she is no better than he
But if you ask a child today, “Who is the better person?”, we all know what he would say
He would not carry my message; wouldn’t say that the problem is that question
That there are no better people – the man and the woman came into this world the same way
He wouldn’t wonder why they’re so different now.
Maybe Andy made a wrong choice or two somewhere in life
But no one’s perfect; we all make mistakes
Why does he have to suffer through life on a street corner
While, in the penthouse, Pamela rises above everyone else?
I ask, “If men, women, and children were created equal, why do we call it the human RACE?”
We all start at the same place, but are people like Pamela the first to finish
While all those like Andy lag behind, never to catch up?
Humor me, please – let us pretend
That Pamela and Andy were to join hands as they complete the course
It is my belief that the utter silence resonating in every corner of the globe
Would say more about this event than I ever can
The Fight's Symphony
Roar – goes the crowd
“Kill him!” – they shout
Pump – goes the two boys’ adrenaline
Thump, thump – go their hearts
Whoosh – they hear it in their ears
Flap – away fly their consciences
Whip – the crowd is now their master
Wham – a punch is landed
Splash – the blood puddles on the floor
Bam! Bam! Bam! – he’s hit again and again
Thunk – his body hits the floor
Click – the lights all go of
Silence – in the dark, it’s over.
“Kill him!” – they shout
Pump – goes the two boys’ adrenaline
Thump, thump – go their hearts
Whoosh – they hear it in their ears
Flap – away fly their consciences
Whip – the crowd is now their master
Wham – a punch is landed
Splash – the blood puddles on the floor
Bam! Bam! Bam! – he’s hit again and again
Thunk – his body hits the floor
Click – the lights all go of
Silence – in the dark, it’s over.
Tell Me Why
I can see that you’re depressed
So I go to you
And hold you tight
And tell you that I love you
As a friend, of course
At least, so you think
If only you knew
How I wish I could comfort you
In a different way
How I long to kiss your tears away
But you don’t feel the same
How could you?
I’m your best friend, nothing more
And even though we’re so similar
In our personalities, at least
She is the one your heart longs for
And when I have brushed away your tears
With my hands, not with my lips
You tell me how thankful you are
That I am part of your life
You say that you love me
You say it’s impossible not to
And yet you don’t
At least, not the same way I love you
You don’t look at me
Like you gaze at her
What makes her so goddamn special?
Why does your heart choose her over me?
She doesn’t even want you
You haven’t changed her life
She won’t give herself to you
Like I’ve already done
She doesn’t treat you
Like you deserve to be treated
And still you look right past
My wide open heart
How can you look so deep into my soul
Without seeing the truth?
Are you so blind?
Or do you just refuse to see?
Do you just refuse to love me?
You swore that
For all your life
You’d try to make me happy
So why is my love invisible?
Why aren’t I good enough?
Why is hers the name
Always on the tip of your tounge?
Tell me
Why are you my everything
Except the one thing
I truly want you to be?
My hand fits yours
The small of your back
Is the perfect resting place
For my head
You make my very soul rejoice
So can someone please explain
Why
Why, why, why, why, why
Don’t you love me?
So I go to you
And hold you tight
And tell you that I love you
As a friend, of course
At least, so you think
If only you knew
How I wish I could comfort you
In a different way
How I long to kiss your tears away
But you don’t feel the same
How could you?
I’m your best friend, nothing more
And even though we’re so similar
In our personalities, at least
She is the one your heart longs for
And when I have brushed away your tears
With my hands, not with my lips
You tell me how thankful you are
That I am part of your life
You say that you love me
You say it’s impossible not to
And yet you don’t
At least, not the same way I love you
You don’t look at me
Like you gaze at her
What makes her so goddamn special?
Why does your heart choose her over me?
She doesn’t even want you
You haven’t changed her life
She won’t give herself to you
Like I’ve already done
She doesn’t treat you
Like you deserve to be treated
And still you look right past
My wide open heart
How can you look so deep into my soul
Without seeing the truth?
Are you so blind?
Or do you just refuse to see?
Do you just refuse to love me?
You swore that
For all your life
You’d try to make me happy
So why is my love invisible?
Why aren’t I good enough?
Why is hers the name
Always on the tip of your tounge?
Tell me
Why are you my everything
Except the one thing
I truly want you to be?
My hand fits yours
The small of your back
Is the perfect resting place
For my head
You make my very soul rejoice
So can someone please explain
Why
Why, why, why, why, why
Don’t you love me?
Stuck
I’m stuck here
and here
isn’t good enough
for me
anymore.
Because of you,
I can see there...
I’ve got a glimpse
of what life could be,
and living
(if you can call this living)
life like this
just isn’t worth it anymore
if life could be like that.
I love you,
and putting up with everything –
with life –
it’s just not worth it
if we’re STUCK like this.
and here
isn’t good enough
for me
anymore.
Because of you,
I can see there...
I’ve got a glimpse
of what life could be,
and living
(if you can call this living)
life like this
just isn’t worth it anymore
if life could be like that.
I love you,
and putting up with everything –
with life –
it’s just not worth it
if we’re STUCK like this.
Spider
I am a spider
Divine inspiration and creativity flow through me
As I create my web
My web of truths and lies
I’m trapped in a tempting yet entangling situation
I beg of you, don’t become my fly
I am productive
Creating new webs
New ideas
Constantly beginning new projects
I fill my life so it seems less empty
I have laid a thousand egg sacs
Everyday I become pregnant with hundreds
Of new words and ideas
I release them as children into the world
But each night I die inside
Never to see them grow
Because I am the fragile spider
Everyone fears me
Looks to squash me
Some break me apart, leg by leg
They love to watch me squirm
Alone
The fragile spider
Who no one wants, but everyone needs.
Divine inspiration and creativity flow through me
As I create my web
My web of truths and lies
I’m trapped in a tempting yet entangling situation
I beg of you, don’t become my fly
I am productive
Creating new webs
New ideas
Constantly beginning new projects
I fill my life so it seems less empty
I have laid a thousand egg sacs
Everyday I become pregnant with hundreds
Of new words and ideas
I release them as children into the world
But each night I die inside
Never to see them grow
Because I am the fragile spider
Everyone fears me
Looks to squash me
Some break me apart, leg by leg
They love to watch me squirm
Alone
The fragile spider
Who no one wants, but everyone needs.
Specks
Have you ever looked up at the stars at night,
And felt like a tiny speck of dust?
Well, if you have, my friend, you’re right.
The entire human race is nothing but a little dot
When compared to Space, Time, and the whole Universe
Our sun is the closest star,
Shining so bright in the sky
But even it is so very far
That before we could get even halfway there,
The whole human race would be gone.
So, in our short time here, we need to create our dream
To get up out of our beds and join hands,
Because if we all stand together, as a team,
Maybe then we could change our world,
Even though, individually, each of us is too small to even see.
And felt like a tiny speck of dust?
Well, if you have, my friend, you’re right.
The entire human race is nothing but a little dot
When compared to Space, Time, and the whole Universe
Our sun is the closest star,
Shining so bright in the sky
But even it is so very far
That before we could get even halfway there,
The whole human race would be gone.
So, in our short time here, we need to create our dream
To get up out of our beds and join hands,
Because if we all stand together, as a team,
Maybe then we could change our world,
Even though, individually, each of us is too small to even see.
Sonnet II
My castle you are allowed to enter
I want to enter your fortress as well
My dreams have died like flowers in winter
Will they grow again? Only time will tell
Joined together, we could be paradise
This life I need your help to rise above
Alone it’s like my heart is in a vice
We’re tow wandering souls searching for love
What about me – I could be good to you
I know you would always be good to me
I don’t want you to be the morning dew
Cradle me close as we drift out to sea
T’were you to ever learn a single thing
Be it the joy to you my love would bring.
I want to enter your fortress as well
My dreams have died like flowers in winter
Will they grow again? Only time will tell
Joined together, we could be paradise
This life I need your help to rise above
Alone it’s like my heart is in a vice
We’re tow wandering souls searching for love
What about me – I could be good to you
I know you would always be good to me
I don’t want you to be the morning dew
Cradle me close as we drift out to sea
T’were you to ever learn a single thing
Be it the joy to you my love would bring.
Sonnet I
As my footprints linger on the wet sand
Memories of the past haunt me today
Peace lies in the black and white of dreamland
You cannot be there, because love is gray
As Brigantine acts as a barrier
You used to protect me from life’s troubles
Wishing on stars, I’m missing how we were
I’m drowning, while no one checks for bubbles
As the waves crash against the rocky beach
Lost hope and loneliness are smacking me
In the face - I turn away from love’s leech
Loving you is dragging me out to sea
As attention cravers head to the shore
I don’t want to be lonely anymore.
Memories of the past haunt me today
Peace lies in the black and white of dreamland
You cannot be there, because love is gray
As Brigantine acts as a barrier
You used to protect me from life’s troubles
Wishing on stars, I’m missing how we were
I’m drowning, while no one checks for bubbles
As the waves crash against the rocky beach
Lost hope and loneliness are smacking me
In the face - I turn away from love’s leech
Loving you is dragging me out to sea
As attention cravers head to the shore
I don’t want to be lonely anymore.
So I Heard in Class Today...
Hey yo
Did you say...
I heard that he actually...
...pretty busy...
I spreaded a rumor about Alyssa
At a football game
– I was like, okay,
Randomest stuff in the world. –
Naw, really –
I have a fear of things hangin over my head (an inviting introduction)
You don’t know if it’s all gonna fall on your head
The boat was wobblin
I was sposta steer
Do you still have those...
...I can give ’em to you tomorro
Did you guys come up with something?
Nuh-uh
We spent all weekend long
Just bein retarded –
It was a disaster –
Even the best fall down sometimes
A’ight, look
I’ve got a bruise
A needle stickin outta his head
And then
One big headache
All that shit
I’m traumatized from study hall (haha. Ur funny. Ur funny)
My mother was a drummer (how old is she??)
But she won’t let me play guitar
It makes me mad
Oh, snap
Ah, shit
You prolly won’t be able to handle this
See, I really can’t do this
I’m feeling very oppressed
I’m fallin apart
I’m still tryna figure out
I’m scared
Just make this go away
DOOM – someone I didn’t wanna see
Not a destination (which door?)
It’s been awhile
But – come one – it’s still fun –
Discovery ... seeing the unseen
Dance
Smile
Make music
All messy
Your own style
My favorite song
Oh, I love this song
Power – like 7 feet tall
We rise and we fall
As though it were impossible to fail
Listen to the crowd –
So alive –
They’re really cheering for you
You just missed it – she started jumpin up and down
...That’s dedication right thurr...
Truthful
Nice guys finish first.
Did you say...
I heard that he actually...
...pretty busy...
I spreaded a rumor about Alyssa
At a football game
– I was like, okay,
Randomest stuff in the world. –
Naw, really –
I have a fear of things hangin over my head (an inviting introduction)
You don’t know if it’s all gonna fall on your head
The boat was wobblin
I was sposta steer
Do you still have those...
...I can give ’em to you tomorro
Did you guys come up with something?
Nuh-uh
We spent all weekend long
Just bein retarded –
It was a disaster –
Even the best fall down sometimes
A’ight, look
I’ve got a bruise
A needle stickin outta his head
And then
One big headache
All that shit
I’m traumatized from study hall (haha. Ur funny. Ur funny)
My mother was a drummer (how old is she??)
But she won’t let me play guitar
It makes me mad
Oh, snap
Ah, shit
You prolly won’t be able to handle this
See, I really can’t do this
I’m feeling very oppressed
I’m fallin apart
I’m still tryna figure out
I’m scared
Just make this go away
DOOM – someone I didn’t wanna see
Not a destination (which door?)
It’s been awhile
But – come one – it’s still fun –
Discovery ... seeing the unseen
Dance
Smile
Make music
All messy
Your own style
My favorite song
Oh, I love this song
Power – like 7 feet tall
We rise and we fall
As though it were impossible to fail
Listen to the crowd –
So alive –
They’re really cheering for you
You just missed it – she started jumpin up and down
...That’s dedication right thurr...
Truthful
Nice guys finish first.
She Will Be Missed
The self I used to hold so dear
Has faded into the mist
There goes the girl of yesteryear
And oh, she will be missed.
Has faded into the mist
There goes the girl of yesteryear
And oh, she will be missed.
Revolution Pie
Okay, so here’s a recipe
To go against society’s recipe
Drain a rainbow from the sky
Combine flashes of 7 bright hues for this colorless world
Mix in music – the kind that speaks to your soul
Pour in a gallon of individuality
And sprinkle in a pinch of pixie dust
– It’s okay to believe –
Add a teaspoon of hope
And two tablespoons of fear
Stir 73 times, each circle adding a tear
Shake in a cup of black anger
And, if you’re brave enough,
Maybe even a drop or two of love
Pour it all in a bottle
Of a melancholy hue
Then, above a bowl,
Bust it open with a knife
And blend in all the shattered glass
Dust with sugar and add 3 cups of spice
But some powdered originality instead of everything nice
Sift through all the subtleties
And add 13 oz. of nuts
– A touch of insanity –
Add a hard outer shell – protect yourself well
Chill until firm – don’t let them mold you
And bake at 370°
For as long as it takes
For this new you to rise
And you will have your own
Revolution pie.
To go against society’s recipe
Drain a rainbow from the sky
Combine flashes of 7 bright hues for this colorless world
Mix in music – the kind that speaks to your soul
Pour in a gallon of individuality
And sprinkle in a pinch of pixie dust
– It’s okay to believe –
Add a teaspoon of hope
And two tablespoons of fear
Stir 73 times, each circle adding a tear
Shake in a cup of black anger
And, if you’re brave enough,
Maybe even a drop or two of love
Pour it all in a bottle
Of a melancholy hue
Then, above a bowl,
Bust it open with a knife
And blend in all the shattered glass
Dust with sugar and add 3 cups of spice
But some powdered originality instead of everything nice
Sift through all the subtleties
And add 13 oz. of nuts
– A touch of insanity –
Add a hard outer shell – protect yourself well
Chill until firm – don’t let them mold you
And bake at 370°
For as long as it takes
For this new you to rise
And you will have your own
Revolution pie.
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